I am beyond ready to welcome in a new year. 2015 was full of ups and downs and I am anxiously waiting for a better, smoother and happier year ahead.
But the truth is that every year comes with its bumps, roadblocks and challenges. Not just 2015. Even though I have felt more tested this year than ever before, I am realizing that 2015 really was a good year.
I have grown in 2015. Not just physically (Seth scoffed at this when we were proofreading..."You've grown?!"), but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I have been forced to do some soul searching and figure out what makes me happy. I am starting to realize what really matters in life.
2015 was a year that changed me.
My miscarriage broke me. For the majority of the year, I felt like I was treading water and barely getting enough air to breathe. I felt like I was drowning inside. I was incredibly sad. I tried to search for answers. I researched on the internet. I read books on miscarriage. I reached out to people who had experienced this unfortunate loss and talked. I asked questions.
When I felt like I had nowhere else to go, I turned to God. And that is probably something I should have done in the first place.
I want to stop worrying and obsessing and feeling sad when there is nothing I can do about it. I want to put my life in God’s hands and let him take care of me. Let him figure it out.
In fact, he has it all figured out. The truth is that God has always been in charge of my life. He knows my past and has been there when I have felt broken inside. He knows what tomorrow looks like and how each day of mine will unfold.
God has a plan. Jeremiah 29:11 always reminds me of this.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and hope.”
And because I know this, I can let it all go. I can stop trying to have total control over my life. Because the truth is, I am not in control of my life. It’s all in his hands.
In 2015, I began “going” to church every week (and by “going” to church, I mean listening to podcasts on my phone, complete with comfy pajamas and Calvin cuddles). The weekly messages have given me comfort when I have needed it most. The sermons have also reminded me that we have a loving and forgiving God. A God who protects us and gives us hope for the future.
I am praying more than ever before. Not even just before I go to sleep. I find myself praying in the shower or on the way in to work. I thank God for all that he has done in my life. I have a place to call home, a fridge full of food and a job that I love. I am blessed with a husband who loves me more than I could even imagine, an adorable dog who gives me kisses when I wake up, a family that is so supportive, and friends that are the truest you can find.
2015 really was a good year. And I am looking forward to another great year. When you have God in your life, you can lay your burden on him and enjoy the ride.