Sometimes, the best time for me to write is when I am in the moment, feeling the emotions as they come to me. I don’t know if it’s my pregnancy hormones making me more emotional, but I broke down tonight and just sobbed.
My baby boy is growing up. Much quicker than I could have ever anticipated. This is the heartache they warn you about. The kind where your heart hurts so bad because you want a moment to last and know that it cannot and time is slipping right out of your fingertips.
Breastfeeding. It was quite the challenge at first. The milk didn’t come in right away. We were worried about Silas’ initial weight gain after birth and encouraged to supplement with formula until the milk came in. After our first supplemental formula feeding, the milk came in full force.
Cracked nipples. Painful. Uncomfortable. Mastitis not once, but two times. Rounds of antibiotics to combat the infections, only to lead to a stomach infection that didn’t want to go away. More antibiotics to kill off the overgrowth of bad stomach bacteria.
“Is this really worth it?” I remember thinking. A little voice inside my head said, “Keep going.”
Eventually, breastfeeding became easier. My breasts and body healed and my son and I bonded closer than I ever could have imagined. Breastfeeding became our special time and part of our routine.
Fast-forward sixteen months. In those first few weeks of breastfeeding, I never thought we would have made it this far. I feel grateful for the opportunity to feed my son from my own body. We were fortunate to be able to breastfeed for sixteen whole months.
Over the past few weeks, our special time has dwindled and Silas has become less interested in breastfeeding. Six feedings gradually turned to three, which quickly turned to one or two. All within a few weeks. I am guessing my current pregnancy is the culprit and is causing my supply to dip or the taste to be off. Maybe he’s just growing up and over it.
Either way, I am sad that our breastfeeding days are over. It was a hard road at first, but eventually, it became our thing. I feel lucky to have had the opportunity to do it as long as we did. I will forever miss our special time together.