I've never loved anyone like I love my son. It's like he could do no wrong. To me, he's perfect in every single way.
I'm having a hard time letting him go. I know, I know, he's only four months old. I just don't want him to grow up. At least, not yet.
I'm selfish, I get it, but my heart just aches knowing that one day, he will walk out our door and into the big, crazy world and not come back (at least for a while). He won't need me to help him eat, get dressed, and learn about the things around him. He will mature and become an adult and not need us anymore.
I know this is a long time away, but I have this feeling it will sneak up on us and his childhood will be over in a flash.
I tried to put Silas in his crib last night. He looked so small inside his big bed and I just started to cry. How is my little baby growing up so fast? I told him goodnight, flicked on the noise machine and walked out of his room, trying my best to stay strong. It only took five minutes until he was in my arms again.
It was not because he was crying. It was because I couldn't do it. Not quite yet. I wasn't ready for him to be away from me at night.
I understand there will be a day when he will need to be in his own room. I get it. I can't keep him next to me in his bassinet forever.
There will be a day when he goes to school. He will read books, play sports and make friends. It will be so fun to watch him learn and develop relationships outside of his family.
There will be a day when someone breaks his heart. It kills me to know this and I would do anything in my power to not allow it, but it will happen. The best I can do is be there for him and give him all the love and support I have. I hope he will learn from the heartache and grow.
There will be a day, I hope, when he meets the love of his life. It seems so far away, but with how fast time is going, this will happen soon. I can only hope and pray that he is loved with all of someone's heart and treated with kindness and respect.
For now, though, he is my baby. I'm going to let him sleep in my room a bit longer. I'm going to let him fall asleep on my chest instead of following a strict nap time routine. Just for a while longer, I'm going to let him be little.