Dear Silas

Dear Silas,

If I could write you a letter for you to understand, this is what it would say…

In a few short weeks, our lives will change dramatically. Mommy and Daddy are having a baby and you are going to become a big brother.

Being a big brother is a big responsibility, but you won’t understand this for a while. You will have little eyes looking up to you and watching your every move. Your little sister is going to admire you, adore you and want to be like you. You are going to have a lot of influence on her. There will be days that she annoys you, but I hope those are far outnumbered by the days you make each other laugh.

One day, you will only have each other, and I hope that you share an unbreakable bond to get you through life’s ups and downs.

As of now, you have only known what it is like to be an only child. You are the only grandchild on both sides of the family and everyone just adores you and loves you so much. You are the center of our world.

Life is going to change quite a bit. I want to give you all that I can, but know that I will fall short sometimes, as I am caring for your little sister. Know that I still love you more than all the stars in the sky and you are still my boy.

You will always be my firstborn, my sweet child. You taught me how to be a mom. I remember the moment you were born, and they put your warm, gooey body in my arms. In an instant, you had all of my heart.

Just because I am having another baby doesn’t mean I don’t love you. You are the reason, my son. It’s because of you and how much we love you that we wanted to experience this love again. We also wanted you to experience the love of a sibling and have a lifelong friend.

I am soaking in these last few days of just us. Sometimes, I lay by you and watch you sleep, wondering how I got so lucky. How in the world did I get chosen to be your momma?

There is no doubt in my mind that we were always meant to be. You, your dad and me. Soon, we will welcome another member to our family, and I know we will all agree that she is meant to be with us too.

I love you more than you will ever know.

Momma

Photo taken by the talented: Elle Anne Photography.

Related Posts: A Letter To Our Son On His First Birthday // Be Little // The Birth Story of Silas Bradley

Happy New Year (A Little Late, but Better Than Never!)

Time is just flying by at our house! Somehow, I have failed to find time to write for my blog and I am hopeful that in 2019, I will be more consistent with my posts. I realize this might be a lofty and unrealistic goal, since I am two months away from having our second child and my first kid keeps me on my toes all the time. A woman can dream, right?!

But isn’t this what the new year is all about? Shouldn’t we set goals and chase dreams in order to be happier, healthier and a better person overall?

I think 2019 is going to be one of my best years yet.

I am turning THIRTY in 2019. 30! I feel like such an adult typing that number. I will be 30 years old, and unlike some close to me who have met this milestone, I am not really dreading it. I am looking forward to this next decade and the possibilities it can hold. I am hoping to travel more, establish better routines and be the best mom and wife that I can be.

As I usually do around this time of year, I am sharing some of my favorite family photos from our shoot in November. Photos were taken by Elle Anne Photography.

Cheers to this next year and decade!

Our Surprise Pregnancy with Baby #2

For the last few months, I have wanted to write this post, but have been avoiding it for some reason. As you may have gathered, we are pregnant with our second child. A baby girl to be exact. Oh, how excited (and very nervous) we are!

This was an unplanned pregnancy. Miss Type A did not have to chart a single temperature, pee on one ovulation predictor test, or take any medicine to help with ovulation. Not only was I exclusively breastfeeding Silas, but I only had one period since his birth. It came right around his first birthday.

A few days after my period, I saw my OBGYN for my annual checkup. She asked if we were planning to have a second child. Of course we wanted another kid, but we weren’t really quite ready yet. I told her about my sister’s upcoming wedding in Mexico in February, and she informed me how serious the Zika virus still was and that I needed to be very careful. If we weren’t getting pregnant before the wedding, we would have to wait until six months after to start trying, since the virus stays in male sperm for up to six months.

Towards the end of the appointment, she warned me that I might be surprised how easy it is this time around to get pregnant. “Your body knows how to get pregnant now.” It was kind of a sweet warning, but I brushed it off because of our history.

Over the next few weeks, Seth and I had a few conversations on when we wanted to try for Baby #2. We went back and forth and struggled with the fact that if we postponed until after my sister’s wedding, we would have to wait until August 2019, and who knows how long it would take the second time around. What if it took another two to three years? How far apart would our kids be? Would there be a huge gap in age? On the other hand, I absolutely did not want to miss my only sister’s wedding.  

I prayed about it and asked God for some clarity, because I did not know what we were going to do. Should we start to try, knowing our history and that it might take a while anyways or should we wait until later next year?

Then, one Sunday morning, Seth and I woke up, and went for a run with Silas and the dogs. On the run, we started to talk about plans for Baby #2 again. By the end of the run, I came to the conclusion that we needed to wait until after the wedding to start trying. I had to get ready for a friend’s bridal shower, so Seth took Silas across the street to talk to our neighbor, and I ran the bath water.

I knew I was due for my period any day and I kind of have a habit of taking cheap pregnancy tests, so I decided to pee on a stick just for no reason. I had no idea what I was about to find out.

I put the test on the edge of the bathtub and got in. I glanced at the stick and thought I was seeing two lines. I closed my eyes and looked again. One dark pink line and a second faint pink line.

I’m pregnant. Holy crap.

I asked God for some clarity, and clarity He gave! I couldn’t even believe it. I started to shake and quickly bathed and got ready. Seth brought Silas inside to me so I could change him. I whispered in Silas’ ear that he was going to be a big brother. It was almost like he knew and a big smile came on his face.  

I was running late for the shower and decided to go without telling Seth what I just discovered. This would give me time to process my thoughts.

I am a very open person, so it was strange being at the shower and not saying anything to my friends. I kept quiet and tried to focus on the activities, but couldn’t stop thinking about what I had just found out.

How in the world did it happen so easy this time? When would I be due? Would I be able to go to my sister’s wedding? These questions were racing through my head and I couldn’t wait to get home and talk to Seth.

When I came home, I shared the news with Seth. He was equally surprised and couldn’t believe it.

Within a few weeks, we found out we would be due at the beginning of March. After talking with my doctor, we came to the realization that we would not be able to go to my sister’s wedding in Mexico. The risk for Zika was too high and I would be about 36 weeks pregnant, which is too late to travel internationally while pregnant. I was devastated.  

During the first few weeks after finding out, I had a hard time feeling excited. I was so sad that I couldn’t make it to my sister’s wedding and I felt sick about telling her the news. It was so different than our first pregnancy, because we were wanting it so badly. This time around, it came as a total surprise and altered some big plans.

When I told my sister the news, we both cried a lot. I am still heartbroken I cannot be there for the most important day in her life, but God had different plans for us. Thankfully, we are able to celebrate at their Minnesota reception in April.

After I rid the weight of telling my sister I was pregnant, I was able to accept the fact that I was going to be a mother again, and I allowed myself to feel more excited.

—

I am a little over halfway through my pregnancy and it already feels like I have been pregnant forever. Both Seth and I are really nervous to become parents again and to have another child. We do not know how we will handle life with two young kids, but we will take it day by day and figure it out. Doesn’t everyone?!

Recently, we just found out we are having a girl. I thought we would only have boys, since Seth’s family has a strong history with bearing sons, but we get our girl and we are so incredibly happy. It will be so different than having a boy and we are a little nervous for that.

This pregnancy, I am much more moody and emotional. I am more sensitive and needy too. It is so different than my pregnancy with Silas, in which I was happy and easy going most of the time. For this pregnancy, I also did not crave any food during my first trimester. Nothing sounded good to me.  I had more aversions than cravings.

I am scared for what is to come and I have more insecurities with this pregnancy.

Will I be able to handle life with two little kids?

How will I ever love another like I love my son?

Will Silas still feel loved when I won’t be able to give him the same amount of attention?

I think these are completely normal feelings for any mom who is expecting her second child. I have faith that it will all work out and one day, I will look back and wonder how we ever survived without our Baby Girl.


Life is about to get even more chaotic (and beautiful) at the Johnson house.

I can’t wait to kiss these adorable little feet!

Our Special Time: A Farewell to Breastfeeding

Sometimes, the best time for me to write is when I am in the moment, feeling the emotions as they come to me. I don’t know if it’s my pregnancy hormones making me more emotional, but I broke down tonight and just sobbed.

My baby boy is growing up. Much quicker than I could have ever anticipated. This is the heartache they warn you about. The kind where your heart hurts so bad because you want a moment to last and know that it cannot and time is slipping right out of your fingertips.

Breastfeeding. It was quite the challenge at first. The milk didn’t come in right away. We were worried about Silas’ initial weight gain after birth and encouraged to supplement with formula until the milk came in. After our first supplemental formula feeding, the milk came in full force.

Cracked nipples.  Painful. Uncomfortable. Mastitis not once, but two times. Rounds of antibiotics to combat the infections, only to lead to a stomach infection that didn’t want to go away. More antibiotics to kill off the overgrowth of bad stomach bacteria.

“Is this really worth it?” I remember thinking. A little voice inside my head said, “Keep going.”

Eventually, breastfeeding became easier. My breasts and body healed and my son and I bonded closer than I ever could have imagined. Breastfeeding became our special time and part of our routine.

Fast-forward sixteen months. In those first few weeks of breastfeeding, I never thought we would have made it this far. I feel grateful for the opportunity to feed my son from my own body. We were fortunate to be able to breastfeed for sixteen whole months.

Over the past few weeks, our special time has dwindled and Silas has become less interested in breastfeeding. Six feedings gradually turned to three, which quickly turned to one or two. All within a few weeks. I am guessing my current pregnancy is the culprit and is causing my supply to dip or the taste to be off. Maybe he’s just growing up and over it.

Either way, I am sad that our breastfeeding days are over. It was a hard road at first, but eventually, it became our thing. I feel lucky to have had the opportunity to do it as long as we did. I will forever miss our special time together.

Summer Activities for a One Year Old

It's the middle of summer and we have been so busy with life! To avoid complete boredom, I have been doing my best to keep activities on the calendar for Silas and me. We have been visiting our local pool weekly, attending story times, puppet shows, and outdoor concerts, visiting animal friends at the zoo, and taking loads of sand home from the beach (found in various places, like Silas' diaper and our lunch bag).

In case you are bored with your little one or like to keep a packed calendar of events, I've compiled a little list of our favorite summer activities. Some of these are Minnesota-specific, but many states offer similar activities and programs. 

1. Music Class: We recently started a music class through Ladybug Music and it is oh-so adorable. It's a 40 minute class with other kids and their parents/caretakers, and we sing, play instruments and dance. Silas is a little ADD and doesn't quite get the concept of staying in the "circle" yet.  He likes to explore the room most of the time, but we still have a blast listening to the music and playing with the instruments. 
    
2. Puppet Shows: What's better than a puppet show in the park? Probably not a whole lot! These shows are put on by the City of Golden Valley and they are quite possibly the cutest thing. Each show is about 30 minutes long and is packed with puppets singing to hit songs. We brought a blanket and sat under a tree, while we danced and sang along with these furry creatures. 
    
3. Swimming at the Local Pool: We try to go "twimmin" once a week at our local pool. I have no idea why we call it that, but Silas thinks it's funny and knows what we mean when we ask, "Do you want to go twimmin'?" We were gifted a summer pool pass for Silas' birthday (great gift idea for friends and family!) so both Seth and I can attend the pool for free all summer long. Silas falls into the "free" category and we won't have to pay for him until he is a little older. At our pool, there is a baby slide that he loves to go down and a sprinkler splashy water contraption that him and Seth always play with. Our baby section of the pool also has a shaded area, so we don't have to worry too much about the sun getting in our eyes. 
    
4. Outdoor Music Concerts: Seth and I both grew up in Maple Grove and love going back for all of the family and kid-friendly activities they offer. One of the coolest things they have is a free outdoor music concert every Thursday morning. In fact, they have it on Monday and Wednesday evenings as well, but the Thursday morning concerts are tailored towards kids. Silas loves music and these outdoor concerts put us in the best mood. We usually bring our stroller, a blanket to sit on, and a snack to enjoy as we listen to the concert. 
    
5. Story-Time in the Park: Most cities offer a few outdoor story-time events throughout the summer. Silas and I recently saw Goldilocks and her three bears and plan to attend another story-time event later this summer. Did Silas totally get what was going on? Probably not. He spent most of the time focused on eating his snack and watching the other kids. But I like that we are getting out of the house, interacting with other families and kids, and spending time outside together.
    
6. Visiting Animal Friends at the Zoo: In Minnesota, we have two main zoos that you can visit: The Como Zoo and The Minnesota Zoo. We have visited both this summer, and appreciate that The Como Zoo is less expensive, and only requests a donation for your visit. At The Minnesota Zoo, you have to pay for parking and admission, and before we even saw an animal, we ended up spending over $40. The animals that each zoo has are pretty comparable too, so we will probably visit The Como Zoo more often. 
    
7. Splash Pad: Silas is still perfecting his walk, but I know that we will be visiting the local splash pad once he's a little more stable on his feet. We stopped at one earlier this summer and had fun watching all of the other kids splash and run around in the water. It's also completely FREE. I know Silas will be crazy about the splash pad when he's better at walking. 
    
8. Swimming at the Beach: I'm going to be completely honest. This isn't my favorite activity, because it is a lot of work getting all of your stuff (stroller, wagon, lunch bag, baby, chair, umbrella, etc...) from the car to the beach, but once you are all set up, it is a little slice of heaven on earth. We always put our beach chairs right on the edge of the water, so we can be close to the kids and stick our feet in the wet sand. Heck, I've even been with a group of moms who may or may not have brought adult beverages with them. Sounds like a summer vacation to me! We bought a summer pass at our local beach, because a handful of visits make up the cost. The water is clean and filtered, and if you go early enough, you might be able to snag one of the large shade umbrellas. 

What are some of your favorite summer activities with your kids? I am always looking for ideas to keep us busy and out of the house! 

Mom, get me out of the house! I'm bored!